January 10, 2017

Unwarranted Grace

January 10, 2017/ Nick LeForce

Winding, weaving, and working my way through a day of mixed moments and activities, interacting with clients and colleagues, inner acting from my own magical world, an underlying palette of possibilities, felt in the belly, but so often unseen by my eyes, appearing just on the edge of my vision, just slightly beyond the reach of my hearing; the taste and smell of it like the memory of a fine meal, and that utterly delightful sense that something magnificent and mysterious could happen any moment, launching me on an adventure; knowing that if it really happened, I would likely turn away, sticking to my plans, because that’s my modus operandi. Truth be told, I rarely take the spontaneous leap. I rarely follow the white rabbit, choosing instead, the safety of my planned and predictable world, keeping to my schedule and keeping my life, as it is, intact. I am the Walter Mitty man, the fool on the hill, looking out at a life unlived, reassuring myself that it’s alright, that my spiritual task is acceptance, when, in reality, this is an excuse for something else: resignation.

Still, I believe. Still, I paint my world with this palette. Gradually, I am finding the courage to step out, to walk this twilight landscape of the soul, with its wilds and its wonders, with eyes open, my heart pounding out a drum beat of anxiety and excitement: the necessary ingredients in any adventure of merit; finding my foothold on the world I bring to this world, making it possible for the two worlds to meet, like estranged lovers at last reunited, wedded to each other as they were always meant to be: winding, weaving, and working our way through this peculiar life blessed with unwarranted grace.

We all have stealthy methods of keeping our world intact, finding reasons to stick to our routined life, while we may dream of greater fortune. We all have opportunities to follow the white rabbit into a wonderland, frightful and fantastic, where the soul can play out its peculiar adventure in this life. Our plans often serve this purpose, aiming for the distant goal, certain the imagined path we plan is better than the unknown path providence opens to spontaneous choice, which may actually be quicker, or may reveal to us what life wants of us, or may actually take us more directly to what our heart truly desires.