1. Read the poem 

2. Do your own reflection on it, noting what it inspires in you

3. Feel free to use your own reflection as your prompt or…

4. Use the selection of prompts below the poem

5. Pick one that inspires you and write (feel free to use only one or write several poems using different prompts) or…

6. Don’t use any of the provided prompts and follow your inspiration from wherever it comes

Not To Be Dwelled On

Self interest cropped up even there, 
the day I hoisted three, instead 
of the ceremonial called-for two, 
spadefuls of loam on top 
of the coffin of my friend.

Why shovel more than anybody else? 
What did I think I’d prove? More love 
(mud in her eye)? More will to work? 
(Her father what, a shirker?) Christ, 
what wouldn’t anybody give 
to get that gesture back? 

She cannot die again; and I 
do nothing but re-live.

—Heather McHugh
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/heather-mchugh

Note: Next Read Around is: Sep 17, 2021 at 4:00 PM PST
No read around on Sep 10.

My Thoughts

We’ve all been guilty of social impropriety at times. We do something embarrassing or commit some indiscretion. Then we shame ourselves by  rerunning the scene in our minds repeatedly. This was the case with a funeral faux pas in  Heather McHugh’s poem, Not To Be Dwelled On. The poem’s power is in its honesty and simplicity. With just a few simple brushstrokes in the middle stanza, McHugh shows how overbearing we can be in our self flagellation. We force ourselves into a corner, thinking the only solution is the impossible: wishing we could erase the act from the ledger of life. But the poem is more nuanced than that. It is not just about moral turpitude. It is about the first two words after the title “not to be dwelled on”: self interest! This levels the poem up to address our own self-absorption, which is highlighted in the stark contrast between the comparatively momentous death of a friend and the embarrassing focus on oneself over an improper shovel of dirt.

Prompt Menu

1. What miracles have you witnessed or experienced. Journal or write about such an experience. If you don’tfeel you have, Write a poem about an embarrassing act or some social impropriety and the thoughts and feelings that run with it.

2. What do you ruminate about? It doesn’t have to be shameful. It could be a worry, a wish, or something you wonder about and revisit in your mind frequently.

3. Shame is a powerful tool for social control. Journal or write about how she was used to manage you and your behavior or how you have you shame with others has a way of discouraging unwanted behavior.

4. How do you experience shame internally? Do you imagine others looking at you were charging eyes? Do you run judgmental internal dialogue? Is it your voice or the imagined voices of others? Or you can personified shame. Describe its background, character, purpose. Have a dialogue with shame.

5. Journal or write about self interest. What are healthy expressions of self interest versus unhealthy expressions of self interest.

6. One sure fire way to ruminate is by asking yourself a “Why” question. Journal or write a poem about the use of the question why, especially when trying to explain or justify your behaviour to yourself or others. Experiminet with the pattern McHugh uses of putting the reply in parenthesis, which gives the feel of intimacy, like a peek inside.

7. Journal or write about the difference between judging others and judging oneself. Do you lean more one way or the other? . Are you more gentle on others and harsh on yourself or vice versa.

8. It’s difficult to become an adult without learning some form of “self flagellation.” What do you tend to berate yourself about. What positive intention may be behind that behavior (improve oneself, be perceived positively, etc.)

9. As usual, write from whatever else in the poem or inlife that inpsires you.